mygympartneramonkeyfandomcom-20200214-history
Kerry Anderson
' ' ]' ' ]]' ' ]]' ' ' '''Ladies and gentlemen, gal-pals and Jerkops, and dudes of all teenages.' Behold, ''the'' mistake of God: '''Christian Weston Chandler. ' '''Born February 24, 1982, Christian is a naïve, perverse, autistic, overweight, racist, pedophilic, homophobic, self-proclaimed aspie virgin and creator of his own skillfully-drawn series of comics starring Sonichu - his supremely insightful crossover of Pikachu and Sonic. As well as "suffering" from autism, Chris also suffers from a terminal case of unwarranted self-importance, the only cure for which would be to remove his head from his consequently gaping ass. At the time of this writing, Chris has found neither the time nor the conviction to do so.' Other names for Chris-Chan include: CWC, クリスちゃん, Mexican Weston Chandler, Ricardo, Ian Brandon Anderson, Ian Brannon Something, The Impostor, Sammy, or any other lulzy names trolls can make up for him, which will make him throw a tantrum. ' '''The most notable physical characteristic of Chris, beyond the obvious corpulence, is that he wears a medallion made out of crayola FUCKIN' MODEL MAGIC and acrylic paint ''at all times in homage to his yellow Sonic re-color. ''In public.'' As if that weren't lame enough, Chris-chan actually has a shitload of medallions: The blachu, and the "Rosechu" medallion (which he planned on giving to his sweetheart), suggesting that he has far too much free time on his hands. Which, of course, he does, because who the fuck would sit around on their fat ass all day coloring-in comic book pages if they had anything better to do with their lives? Christian's hobbies once included creating My Little Pony figures, including himself as a pony wearing a Sonichu medallion, stalking women at the mall, finding a "boyfriend-free girl" to "make into a Sweetheart from the ground-up", drawing (and actually uploading) pictures of himself having sex with multiple, racially diverse women, drawing porn of his hedgehogs, taking naked pictures of himself, and sexing up a blow-up doll named JULAY(which was originally sold as "Kimmi"). Now all he does is play PS3 all day and stuff fast food down his throat. He also got into big trouble when his father walked in on him while he was masturbating. Chris really needs to grow up and sell his toys on eBay. However, no one will buy his shit, so a girlfriend-free faggot he remains forever more. ''' '''But it gets far worse, my friends... Dox Indeed, the fat, stupid prick decided to dox himself. For the record, his address is 14 Branchland Court Ruckersville, VA 22968 United States Chris has doxed himself in many of his videos, usually when trying to prove his identity, or to get trolls to come to him and fight him in real life. Btw check out the tour video of his house, and the complete aftermath a few months later. When he goes on a rampage about people mirroring the videos of his house. With the appearance of Bob, who is paranoid and pissed off at Chris, worrying if the Green County Health Department saw the videos, that they would condemn their house. ' ' ' ' IRL Creepiness ' ' On MySpace, Chris posted his quest for a "boyfriend-free girl" and his stalking tendencies. Unfortunately for him, every woman on the planet appears to have a boyfriend. This has led to what Chris dubs "noviophobia" — in Chris's bastardized highschool Spanish interpretation, he inserts "novio" which essentially means boyfriend, before the Greek root phobia, committing a facepalm-worthy portmanteau that is almost nonsensical enough to make you forget that of all things in the world, Chris has a paralyzing fear of ''boyfriends''. Chris claims to hate every male besides himself and his father, because they ["took all the pretty girls leaving [him with no one to choose from"]]. ' ' ' ' ' .]] ' ' shows us how ' pleasant an experience it truly is being in the presence of Mr. Weston Chandler. Note the fear in her eyes.]] ' !!!]]' He employed his famous "looking for a boyfriend-free girl" sign in two places: the Fashion Square Shopping Center and Piedmont Virginia Community College. The dean, Mary Lee Walsh, reasonably assumed that Chris was publicly soliciting for sex, had the sign destroyed and banned him from the school for a year. Since then, he became obsessed with her and depicts her within his comic as a bald witch with a viking helmet, a pitchfork, a scepter to contain her evil anti-love powers, and occasionally a broomstick. Chris has also shown his hatred towards Mary on several other occasions. He made a hilarious video asking for fictional character Harvey Dirdban's (not Birdman) assistance to fight "THAT EVIL BITCH MARY LEE WALSH FOREVAR!!1" in a contest for Adult Swim. He also made a video of him fighting Mary Lee Walsh as a custom character in Soul Calibur III. Despite his hate for Walsh, he still took the time with his Magic Markers to make hideous porn of her. You know you want to see it. Chris's Love Quest was also foiled by Security Guards of Fashion Square Shopping Center. He was handcuffed and kicked out by Jerkops (half jerk, half cops) "for trying to attract a Boyfriend-Free Girl". Christian claims to have started his ill-begotten love quest because he wants a daughter whom he will "dubly" call Crystal Weston Chandler (apparently after the illustrious metal). He made her in the form of one of his My Little Pony figures (from his own pubic hair, mind you), and made a separate file in the game Animal Crossing, and played as her. The person we know the most about is Megan Schroeder who had a huge influence on the comic and Chris himself. She remarked that the antagonist of one of the Sailor Moon movies came off as "kind of queer", possibly influencing Chris's homophobia. One example of the Chris-induced drama is the blog entry where a girl describes her encounter with Chris as he was wandering stores in search of his true love in late 2004, which can be viewed here. Chris changes love interests far more frequently than he changes his underwear; it is speculated that he has fallen in "true love" like 50 times. Trolled IRL Trolling of Chris-chan has crossed the OL border into IRL. Whether internet vigilantes are trying to expose him for the psycho stalker he really is or if they fap to picking on retards, it's uncertain. *The Game Place, a store where he volunteered, was soon subject to his antics when anon took several photos of him. See here for Chris QQing. *An old classmate of Chris, Joshua Martinez, did some trolling. Chris knew him from his old school (Joshua and Chris both had Special Ed together), recently met up with him again and was getting along fine. Apparently, Joshua was very popular with women and had met some famous celebrities. For some reason, Chris became extremely jealous and even tried to get ED to go after him. Note that Chris only values Joshua's friendship because he's popular with women, and that by being friends with him he might end up laid. Unfortunately for Chris, even other special education kids will fuck with him. The chick that Joshua was supposed to hook him up with was just Joshua trolling him with a picture of Vanessa Hudgens. CLICK HERE for Chris-chan unwittingly fapping to Joshua. ' ]' *A girl IRL pranked Chris on a fake date. CLICK HERE to see Chris-chan get taken down to 15%. *Though trolling in this next case started online, it quickly moved into IRL. Chris had started a relationship with an e-girlfriend called Blanca. On September 11, 2008, another troll going by the same name was really a black man in a pickle costume and managed to score horrific nudes. WARNING: DON'T LOOK AT IT. *Watch Chris masturbate. No, srsly don't do it. On October 7, 2008, Blanca managed to get the medallions and destroy them. Chris and health As you've probably seen from the pictures above Chris is a fat sack of shit but shockingly he didn't always have man tits; only after turning eighteen did he start gaining weight. Chris's exercise For years, he hasn't had any real exercise (aside from screaming). As a result, he has pencil thin legs and scrawny arms. Fun fact: A video he made trying the show he can do pull ups shows him struggling to do one. Chris also makes things seem much heavier than they actually are, saying that a box of twelve cans is 50 pounds and he also said his dog house had to of weighed 5-10 tons. Either Chris is terrible at math or that dog house was filled with lead bricks. Chris in denial Chris generally believes he is "fit as a fiddle". When confronted by Matt in the infamous "Father Call" about his obesity Chris simply said "I could be healthier". In the same call he gets mad at Matt for saying he was lazy. Matt then pointed out that Chris is ALMOST 30 YEARS OLD, DOES NOT HAVE A JOB, AND LIVES WITH HIS PARENTS. Chris responded saying he does work around his house, which is complete bullshit as seen in his house tour. CWC vs. ED ' ' Upon discovering this article on the 10th of November, Chris suffered a severe case of butthurt and declared war on every site mocking his Truth and Honesty. As with everything in his life, Chris fucked up. ' ' ' ...]]' ' ' At first, Chris tried tampering with this article while logged in as Reldnahc which is obviously "Chandler" (his last name) spelled backwards. Before erasing the entire article, Chris actually contributed by adding information that he hadn’t submitted anywhere else. Most of his additions were chunks of text from uncited sources which included how Megan “shattered his heart”, and printouts of the Sonichu News Dash: a shitty newsletter about his comic which he also distributed at PVCC that landed him in another apparent conflict with Mary Lee Walsh. To make matters worse, he also uploaded Rule 34 of his own characters. Later, when the context of the article finally dawned on Chris, he snapped. He created another account and tried blanking the page several times. ''' '''CWC blames for breaking up the relationship between him and Megan despite the fact that she was never his girlfriend. Just another lying attempt to make ED feel troll's remorse. In this video, Chris congratulated all his non-existent Sonichu fans whom he mistakenly believed brought ED down and further urged them not to donate to ED while failing to realize that ED's downtime was due to an issue related to the website as a whole, and not related to any drama around his article. Chris's plea for his fans to not donate to ED flopped because the only people who pay any attention to Chris are precisely the ones who helped ED reach its donation goal on August 14, 2008. CWC vs. ED Parte Deux Last Thursday, Chrissy posted a video onto the tubes declaring yet another war against his ED page, demanding that the page and discussion page be deleted, or else he wouldn't be making any more of his sweet, sweet comics for his fans to enjoy. He then stated that much like the old adage: "Too many cooks spoil the broth", ED had too many CROOKS. And that "every single word on his ED page was a crook". After standing in an anime pose with his fist in the air, Chris then hulked the fuck out and proceeded to beat the shit out of a Raggedy Ann doll with a picture of Clyde Cash taped to its face, and that more RAAAAAAAGE would follow if his ED page wasn't taken down posthaste. The beast can be unleashed here. CWCville ' ' 'CWCville''' (Pronounced: Quick-ville) is Chris-chan's imaginary world. Considering how it's portrayed, its full name could be the Our Glorious Leader's True and Honest Lovers' City of CWCville, in a way similar to the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.' '''CWCville is actually two things: a fictional setting for the [[Chris-chan/Sonichu|''Sonichu comic]], and Chris's long-ongoing pet project - many might call it a "happy place" and an imaginary refuge from the harsh reality. The two things overlap very much. It's sort of like his own personal Silent Hill - except that instead of being a twisted Hell full of violent rage and nightmare beasts, it's a disturbingly cheerful place where Chris's bouncy creations laugh, frolic, and fuck for his amusement exactly like Silent Hill. Characters are introduced without warning and fall by the wayside just as quickly; nobody's quite sure what becomes of them, but knowing Chris it probably involves anguished shrieks emanating from a love dungeon below the Mayor's house.' '''In the ''Sonichu comic book world, the town is allegedly located in the state of Virginia, but being a figment of Chris Chan's imagination, it will never be found on an actual map. Yet, in many ways, it seems the city is legislatively and economically cut off from the rest of Virginia and the United States. In this city, Chris Chan is a despotic mayor, where he controls everything at his own will and dictates new laws, granting him the basis of his megalomaniac tendencies.' '''Inside the comic, CWCville is at a fierce rivalry with neighboring city of "Private Villa of Corrupted Citizens." It is under constant attack from the evil forces of Dean Mary Lee Walsh and her army of Jerkops.' Chris-chan and Morals ' ' After seeing a hilarious episode of Family Guy, where Chris-chan didn't get that he was being parodied for his moralfaggotry, he decided to share his hatred of the gays with the Holy Bible. To do this, he quoted the book of Leviticus, which is the biblical equivalent of goatse, which reinforces how men should not engage in buttsecks lest they be smited to the pits of hell to be raped by the Devil and his minions for eternity (and also that men cannot shave, wear underwear with elastic straps, or crossbreed animals). Chris obviously didn't get the joke from the funny episode. He didn't realize that the character Stewie is just like him in one sense; they are both closet cases. Unbeknownst to Chris, prolific hater of all things not Christian, 89% percent of the users trolling Chris-chan are Muslims. In another blow to Chris's moral credibility, he also decided to pick up a book on how to talk to the opposite sex...written by a 9-year-old boy. As the kid wrote it on how to talk to girls of his age, party vans descending on Ruckersville are imminent. So, in other words: ChrisChan, the most obvious closetcase in all of Virginia, still thinks he is a glorious crusader against the filthy, filthy homos and their filthy, filthy ways, while accidentally being a dang pedofork. ' ' ' '''Purge All the Xenos Homos. ' ' ' ' Chris and His Ego ''' ' ' ' ' there are many examples of Chris having a huge ego probably due to the size of his pickle. these are seen through out his comics, his actions IRL,and in his videos, these are just a few. * Chris thought his birthday should be celebrated nation wide. * Before Chris got banned from The GAMe PLACe he would lug his ps3 there plug it into the flat screen t.v and use it for hours (probably watching gay porn) he also would sing to Britney Spears songs too all before the owner had it, he banned Chris for screaming at a black kid, Chris left and came back later with his parents. Chris tried numerous attempts to get unbanned but all failed. ' ' * Chris thinks he is famous but his videos only got a few thousand views and he does not know that most of the people that follow him are dirty damn trolls. * Chris thinks he has over 9000 fans of his videos and comics when in actuality he probably has 3 at the most; the rest are trolls. Sex Life ' ]] wants you to have a seat over there, Chris.]]' ' laws...]]' His "sex life" - if you could even call it that - includes, among other strange phenomena, fucking an anime blow-up doll and screaming "JULAAAY!" at the top of his lungs. In both his videos and comics, he has shown contempt towards gays, constantly rambling on about how homosexuality is bad, and repeatedly stating that he is not gay, being that he owns a dildo and anal beads and rambles on about sticking things in his ass while he masturbates. In his list of people he would not date, he lists autistics, high functioning or otherwise. Thus, Chris is also a self-loathing flaming faggot trying desperately to stay in the closet. And we all know homophobes are closeted gays themselves. Chris appears to be stuck in a strange, child-like mentality where he feels guilty when discussing sex. Because of this, he is forced to use different words, like "pickle" and "duck" for dick, "hanky-panky" for sex, "boyfriend-free" for single, among other things. He started buying sex toys and porno videos back in 2006, and when discussing sex with other people (specifically Megan and a recent troll), he goes into intimate, almost scientific or educational detail. When Megan claimed to be uncomfortable with Chris discussing sex, Chris goes into full detail of how a handjob works and that he has learned everything he knows from pornography. In recent audio recordings, we have discovered a lot about Chris's sexuality. Namely, he thinks that gender stereotypes, dirty talk, and cheesy lines like, "This might hurt a bit at first" are part of actual sex. One of the audio recordings has him describing his ideal "first time", which is intricate, overly dramatic and mildly retarded. This and many other disturbing things can be read here. Gallery of Horrors ' '''PROTIP': If you want to add a picture, go HERE, and make sure to put it under the right section. ' ' The End of Sonichu? ''' ' .]]' In the middle of 2010, Chris announced he was done with Sonichu forevers because the "trolls drained him of creativity." This is odd, because Chris had no creativity to begin with. In reality, he just didn't care about drawing comics anymore. Many retards pine for the days of old-school Chris trolling, where he'd get his bloated ass kicked out of malls, but the thing is is that Chris is so lazy and drawing comics don't reward him with PSN trophies. His mother also told him to quit drawing the comics of him battling McDonald's managers. August 30th 2010: PS3 Destruction Three leaked videos (MovingFoward, MovingFurtherFoward, 100_2209.MOV) have appeared on the internets regarding his "Life Upgrade" (aka his PS3). He accidentally '''DELETED FUCKING EVERYTHING on his PS3 Harddrive, and so to make a clean break of things, he ran over his PS3 with his car. (WHAT?! They actually let him drive a car?!)' '''Sadly, this new direction in his life didn't last. He immediately went into withdrawal and spent his welfare money on a NEW PS3.' September 6th 2010 Chrissy posted a new video on Sept 6th, which can be viewed here. In it he informs us he is very much not dead, and in fact alive, healthy and well. He also notifies us that he hasn't dug up Patti. Even if that is true, poor Patti will no doubt be dug up from under his porch sometime soon, as Chris cannot sleep at night knowing there is an animal corpse nearby he hasn't violated. He then rambles incoherently about how the trolls blow smoke, NO ONE IS GONNA LISTEN TO IT ANY MORE!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!. But hey, guess what? He is gonna regain control of his life and ignore the trolls, so they can't play with him any more. His final message? Haters gonna hate, plus an awesome string twirl. Really, Really Gross Videos ' .]]' *Chris drinks his jizz for Ivy! *Spank dat ass! *Chrissy in the shower! (Filmed on location at Jigsaws place.) *Chris goes insane nude *Chris makes love to his video game console! *Chris reveals his feminine side! 2010 Endeavors ' ' left|thumb|[[BRILLIANT!]] As of August 27, 2010, Chris is butthurt that his class of 2000 has yet to have a reunion, because at prom a movie said "See you in 10 years". Chris believes the school by law has to host a reunion. Most likely his class has seen his videos and has had the reunion and not invited his fat ass, or thought he was dead. It also appears he may be balding. Chris decided to tape a video tour of Ruckersville. Here he shows the highlights and favorite places of the town(big surprise, McDonalds and Burger King are a couple of the stops on the tour!) ' ' ''' '''Chris has stepped up his war against trolls with a new masterpiece. ' ' He advises people to turn them in at their work place and DEMANDS THEY BE FIRED! Or turn them in to the police. He mentions that God will smite the trolls. As of November 22, it appears Chris has again gotten butthurt at not having friends on FriendFace and has quit the internet forever. Time will tell. Tomgirlism Autistics Hate Chris-Chan ' ' Numerous other highly-functioning autists on YouTube have taken a vociferous dislike towards our beloved manbaby, seeing in him a dark reflection of their own failings and faggotry. Realizing that they have frighteningly more in common with Chris-Chan than they'd like to admit and not wanting to feel the big thorny cock of the trolls pressing up against their own virgin lolcow assholes, these spergbuckets fall over one another in their attempts to distance themselves from the esteemed mayor of Cwcville, making shitty rant videos about Chris-chan and how much better than him they are, claiming that he is giving autism a bad name. Of course, this is something of a logical fallacy which their stunted autistic minds are unable to grasp, as Chris-chan's behaviour in no way affects them and their behaviour, they cannot use Chris as a scapegoat or an excuse for their own faggotry. PROTIP: If you are reading this article right now and feel the urge to make a YouTube rant about Chris-chan, please, take ED's advice and DON'T. Death of a Lumberjack On September 06, 2011, Robert Franklin Chandler Jr., Chris' father and Internet Lumberjack, died and went to that Great Klan Rally in the Sky. ' ' ' ' Chris-chan goes to jail Chris and his mom have been arrested and might go to prison. He has been charged with assault and trespassing at the GAMe PLACe. On top of that, Barbara attempted to run Michael Snyder over in the parking lot (the second time this has happened), before driving off, landing them with a hit and run charge as well. However, they were soon pulled over. When officers arrested Chris, Barbara attempted to defend her precious child and was subsequently charged with assaulting an officer. ' '''Chris attempted to have charges dropped in court on 7 November. Although he apparently kept his mouth shut and didn't 'sperg out, he still got no mercy from the Prosecuting Attorneys. Not a single charge was dropped. We have no idea if he pled "Nolo Contendre","Guilty", "Not Guilty due to Insanity" or "Shut Up, Judge!!!" ' '''Turns out our hero, Michael Snyder has indeed called for a civil trial against both Christard and Snorlax. Chris returned to court on 15 December but fuck all happened; apparently he whined to the judge that he'd only just gotten a lawyer and needed moar time to prepare, and got a delay until 5th January. He brought his 3DS with him and anons from /cwc/ attending the hearing were able to obtain his StreetPass Mii. Even that's a fucking tomgirl. On January 5th, he got yet another postponement, so he could finish levelling up some pokeymans in his game instead of going directly to jail. His next hearing is set for April 5th 2012. Based on their charges, each of them can potentially face a '''minimum sentence of one year and a maximum sentence of ten years.' '''The only way his “get-out-of-jail-for-free-card” could work to somewhat to his advantage would be due to this incident reeking of autistic fuck up and the court would find him incapable of functioning as a normal adult and therefore not responsible for his actions and would then commit him to a mental health facility, likely for most of his remaining adult life. As for Barbara, if the court found her guilty it is likely the 70 year wouldn't survive her prison sentence.' Here's Christard's Version, Straight from the Horses Ass ' ' I tell about us two landing in jail. During a usual, yettiring, shopping outting with my mother, we had just stopped at the Salvation Army story on Cherry Ave and left with a few purchases. She impulsively asked to go to the SPCA Rummage Sale, and I ended up taking 4 St. NW to stop by the McDonalds there for a cup of tea to go, when at the PLACe, now known as "C-Ville Game & Hobby" (status unchanged on the PLACe website), mom and I read the sign on the window that led me to an occurrence I was waiting for, the PLACe under New Ownership (with burning it down being the alternative). So, I continue ahead for the tea, and mom asked for a smoothie. On an impulse of the newfound piece of freedom, I drove back to the PLACe, upon closer inspection, I read the "New Owner" sign further, stating, "Under New Ownership of Mike & Madeline"; I had thought, perhaps it was another Mike. Mom insisted on coming in with me, so we did, and a few steps in, who did our eyes see in the new center counter, past employee Nathan, and Michael Snyder. I hid behind my mother for a moment, and Mike pointed us out the door, but before leaving, I whipped out my 3DS, activated its camera and took his photo, then I shouted, "For the Internet". Mom and I made our way to the van and entered it; Mike followed us out, and Stood right in front of the van, thinking he was Stonewall Jackson. We backed up the van some; Mike chased us. Mom took the wheel; Mike twice made his own deliberate leg scars, rubbing his legs on our bumper, banged our hood and fell backwards; we had NOT moved our van at either instance of him faking his falls. And more shit happened. Mom called 911 on my phone first (followed shortly after by Mike being handed a phone by someone else for him to make his call. Eventually, mother backed us out onto 4 St. NW, northward, and we escaped. But at the traffic light, we were caught up by a cop car. Parked at the nearby courthouse, two of the cop cars, and us in the van, exchanged the tales of the event and our driver licenses. Eventually, I was asked to step out of the van; I was about to be handcuffed, but I would not have another handcuffing, so I fought, I was pinned, and I was handcuffed. My NEW pair of $324 Rx lens glasses were broken by THEM in the fight. My mother fought the police in my defense, and she was handcuffed and I was emotionally distraught, I screamed and Screamed and SCREAMED, until an ambulance came for my mother to take her to UVA Hospital; she was okay, but her Blood Pressure was high. I was driven to, entered and thrown into a cell block. At first for a while, I was as melodramatic and sane as Daria, then I started going crazy, I shouted television talk and songs at random; took off my shirt due to the heat; pretended to be a genie with light brown hair for a while, and made an acquaintance with the stainless steel sink with a hex-shaped bowl. I prayed a LOT to Jesus for my release and safe return home with my mother. And I banged the cell door with both my feet while lying on a folding mattress on the floor (to get those bastards to let me see and talk to my mother Eventually, my mother arrived, tried to post bail, but there were errors. Rocky was called to help us, BLESS her and her husband soo much. Then my mother was jumpsuited and jailed; I was too shortly before. And I was moved to two other cells. Only after seeing my mother in her suit pass by my second cell, did I start to calm down. I was REALLY WORRIED about my mother and her health. She Needed Me, and I Needed Her. Eventually in cell 3, I dozed off and slept for a few hours. I did not eat their food; I had Never eaten Prison Food, and I was NOT going to start then. About 3 PM on the 29th, mom and I were released, and Rocky and her husband drove us back to our van. Now mom and I each have our own courthouse dates. I'm sure mom will be only fined, but I have the worse of cases. Mom and I, we are certain I will be found not guilty; it was a case of a Deliberate Deception, with the "New Ownership" sign from Michael, and my falling for his trap. I later printed out the facts of Mike from the Cwcki that night, and I found the "CWC Michael Snyder Interview" video on YouTube, where the clown-faced troll called Mike; Michael Snyder CONFESSES to Wanting to lure me in and land me in jail with a "Pokemon Tournament on the 22nd". I have streamed from my PS3 to my Laptop to get an MP4 of the video, and to burn the video onto a DVD-R. With this great amount of evidence, we will find Michael Guilty of being a Troll/Cyber Bully among those who have been pestering, deceiving, tricking, blackmailing, etc, me for about 4 years now. That's the story I share with you, REDACTED, in Strictest Confidence; DO NOT TELL ANYONE, PLEASE. Do not ask; Do not tell; Barbara and I are working diligently to deal with this. Currently, her court date is set on 12/15; mine is yet to be determined on 11/7, but it'll probably be on the same day as my mother's. We have also been blessed with connections from Rocky at my church to have Robert B. Bell, Delegate, Republican, Methodist Esquire to represent Barbara and me in both of our cases. It may help to have you come in for support on my trial, and as a character witness. I will send you an update later on. ' Stay Safe, REDACTED,' ' Christian W. Chandler' ' ' ' Chris'tard Enabler Unveils the Horror that is Chez Chandler Chris's Pastoral Councillor Rocky "Bullwinkle" Shoemaker revealed details of the Chandlers living conditions to a suave, British troll named "Doctor Perron" (who turns out to be notorious Fundie Creatard Troll "Chris the Hacker".). Apparently, Not only is the Chandler residence a rubbish heap of hoarded junk...it is also suffering an undefined "infestation problem" and that "bug bites" are part of the reason the Great Lumberjack went off to that sawmill in the sky. He was even under quarantine immediately before his death. ''' '''Click here for audio of the phonecall: http://www.mediafire.com/?s1o5yaa51ga7lpc Update, April 5th 2012 Although the charges for Trespassing and Assault have been dropped, The Court still wants to nail Chris'tard and Snorlax to the wall for the Hit-and-Run and hitting a cop. It's going to the Grand Jury! ' image:Chris-Chan's Grand Jury.png ' That looks a sturdy, unbiased crowd. Justice is sure to come from them. ''' '''Also, Snyder v. Chandler is going ahead full steam. The judge in that case wants to play Kick the Autistic. Update, Julay 10th 2012 Moar ChrisChan Prison Adventure Fun ' ' Image:Chris Arrest.png|Here's Proof. Image:Chris Charges.png|Here's Moar Proof. Image:Chriscash.jpg|You Certainly Did, Chris. Image:Chandler_Charges.png|Prosecutors are a bunch of dang, dirty trolls. Image:Barbara Chandler CivilSuit.png|Not even Snorlax is safe from the Wrath of Snyder. Image:Christian Chandler CivilSuit.png|Great, he'll get sued, and THEN go to jail. Image:ChrisChanIndicted!.jpg|Chris-Chan is Indicted! Image:Chris-Chan as GURPS Character.jpg|To correctly model him in a RPG Character Builder Program comes close to breaking the program. ' ' ' ' ' '''But we all know he's going to drop the soap on purpose.' Chris-Chan's Virginity: Lost? Not bloody likely. On April 12th, 2012, the PVCC troll group posted a flurry of fake(?) screenshots. They were of a (now?) nonexistent Facebook posting supposedly from the Chris'tard boasting of him sticking his bent duck into sum poontang (which has already been proven physically impossible unless the hooker was a hambeast, and then... giving a gift basket to the prostitute. ' ' A lot of Anons could tell it was a shoop because of both the pixels and the Ubuntu font, but they still squee'd with glee, hoping to be proven wrong by a smug Chris'tard posting a hilarious and horrifying video. Soon, the members of the CWCki forum began showing off their own shoop skills by editing HTML in Chrome's element inspector to make their own fake Chris "Facebook Updates" ' ' Image:Chris'tardPedofork.PNG|He loves him sum Loli Image:DangDirtyTrolls.jpg|Uncalled for Deflowering! Image:DangDirtySuicide.png|Chris, the (an) Hero. Image:DangDirtyRobBell.png|Defense Attorneys are a bunch of dang, dirty trolls. ' ' Chris losing his virginity is the latest lie to come from the 'Tard himself. We all know that he is doing this for pre-prison raep attention, and this really didn't happen. At best, he broke down and spent the money on a crackwhore with reaaaallly low standards. At worst, he is completely gone around the bend, and hasn't noticed he has been making love to a over-lubricated tennis shoe he stole from his mom. Also note that on the slim off-chance that his claim turns out be true, Mr. Chandler has committed another crime, since the solicitation of prostitution is illegal in Virginia. Call up the Chandler house today, and tell him porking a blow-up doll doesn't count! Yes, folks...that's what Chris has been reduced to. You'd think that if he knew he was about to go to jail, he'd nut up and do something interesting, but no....Chris will go out with a whimper, without even getting to bang. Just kidding, everyone knows no one will take money to be pounced on by a fat "highly-functioning" asspie. Smug Asptard is Smug ' ' Update July 24th, 2013: Hearts for the Butthurt ''' A shitstorm is a-brewin'. ' 'Easily impressed moralfags (with no understanding of Chris'tard's history, and even less understanding of Chris'tard himself) want to "White Knight" Our Pet Lolcow. They want to stop the EDiots and BTards from being mean to poor widdle kwis. file:HeartsforDuhBullied.png I can't wait for Chris to turn on them, claiming they are cabal of niggo jew trolls who want to trick him. ''' '''Spergs at the CWCki sent these Moral Crusaders a copy of the CWCki's "White Knight" article ((here:http://sonichu.com/cwcki/White_Knights), explaining how they are wasting their time on an ingrate who will hate them for trying to help. I'm sure the moralfags will "fully read the article and input it for better development." See Also ' ' ' -Chan]]' *Adf-fuensalida *Aeverine Nieves - Chris-chan's tranny counterpart *Anthony 'A-Log' LoGatto *Aspierations *BAWtism *Chris-Chan/Psychological_Report *Cyndilovespiccolo - Autistic ladychild in her thirties mooching off her parents. She grew out of her drama queen bullshit. *David Tanny *Desperate *DisneyFan01 *DrMusic2 *Dying Alone *Erik Ribsskog – Chris' older brother *Fat *Gorgeous George - fellow anti-lulz Virginian *Ickeriss69 *Jonathan Niehaus *Manchild *MysticArk *Nick Bate *Onigojirakaiju - Chrissy's long lost Filipino twin. *Pamperchu - Replace the sonic fascination with diapers. *Pathetic *Prince Jeremy *Retarded *Taking Down ED *Tanner Weed- Another autistic asshole with USI disorder. *The Real Chris Chan *The Troll Hunter - Wannabe CWC troll or unlikely ally? *Thunder808 *Victim complex *Virgin Links *Cracked Article with lots of pretty pickshures for those who think this article is TL;DR. *Sonichu.com (wiki all about the big C) *sonichuchrischan Possible new deviantART account? |Madeleine McCann}} |South Ossetia}} |Goodnight Sweet Prince}} ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '' Category:Abnormal Psych Category:Depressing Category:Chris-chan Category:Events Category:People Category:2007 Category:2008 Category:2009 Category:2010 Category:Humans Category:Recurring characters Category:Students Category:Characters